Say Uncle

by | Dec 5, 2019 | Musings | 0 comments

“Say Uncle! Say Uncle!”, lil Linc is still a bit young at 7 months. But I do very much enjoy being an uncle.

I love children, always have. I was raised with lots of other children around me. I am the eldest of 5, I feel blessed to have 4 amazing siblings (sis, middlesis, middlebro and lilbro). Mum also looked after up to 4 other children before and after school. At times there were also 2 international students staying with us. 11 children at once! Not sure how my mum did it??

And although I love children, they’re not something I ever really wanted for myself. I always told myself: I had too much I wanted to accomplish, too many hobbies, passions and projects. And I didn’t want to half-arse parenthood, if I was going to be a dad, I would give it 120%. I didn’t want to make that sacrifice, this lifetime was for me to be selfish.

Fair enough. Decision made… right?

Fast forward to today… last night I went to a really cool event, the Love What You Do Collective end of year celebration. This group, run by Christine Corcoran come together around their shared passion to love what they do and empower others to do the same.

I had the pleasure of meeting a few from the group last night, passionate coaches, healers and empowerers, ready to let their hair down at the end of another massive year.

But balanced with the cruisy wind-down vibes was a healthy reminder that the journey’s not over. In fact the personal growth and expansion journey is never over.

Some examples:

* The evening started with the opportunity to select a clarity card. The one I happened to pick up was “stop shoulding all over yourself”. Fair call and a nice reminder.

* The evening ended with an intention-setting ritual. Reminding us to think big and aim high for the next 12 months.

And in between these two a really honest and inspiring panel discussion with 4 wonderful women: Anita Ocs, Kirsten Morrison, Marina Perry and Jessica Ndenda.

Not only did they reflect on the year, warts and all. But they demonstrated how they would make next year different, and laid down the challenge for us to do the same.

Anita pushed hard this year and is now ready to leverage her time better and allow her business to thrive by stepping back.

Jessica has been extracting herself from her business while doing all-the-things and being pregnant with her 4th child! Now that she’s extracted herself, this frees her up next year to launch two more businesses. Ha!

Kirsten also had a big year, and now her business is established and humming along nicely she’s ready to experiment and say ‘yes’ to the things her soul is longing for. Just because. Why not?

Marina‘s businesses are more established, so she was able to give herself a year with more space and reflection. And now that she’s faced the shadow she’s ready to again step up and take her (already big) game to the next level.

They all left me with food for thought, but two things Marina said in particular really jumped out and stuck with me…

1—“Your triggers, fears and resistance plant a flag, dig here! That’s where you’ll find the next nugget of gold”

A call to action. A call to reflect. Regardless of how much progress you’ve made this is a call to keep returning to face the darkness within over and over.

But to do so with excitement! Because although it’s incredibly scary to face your fears, the prize to be unlocked is even greater. Freedom from living in fear and limiting ourselves through our beliefs. Freedom to bring love and joy into the world and enjoy the process. Freedom to just be, to exist authentically and in alignment with our values.

2—“If you push without a contraction, you’re going to get damaged. Always wait for the contraction”

What an incredible metaphor! No need to push all the time in all directions. You’ll just wear yourself out or damage yourself. Yes!

How many times in life have I forced a decision or an outcome through great personal effort and pain?

There will never be a perfect time to do the challenging things. But there are better times and worse times. And a real art to spot the swelling waters before the wave breaks so you’re ready to ride the wave.

Ok now I’m mixing metaphors. Back to pregnancy. The pregnancy metaphor also implies you need to incept a beautiful idea and nurse it’s through it’s gestation in the background. So the idea isn’t to take no action, it’s to be prepared in advance. But to wait for the right time to then push, launch, or otherwise bring your preparations into final form and introduce it to the world.

But let’s be honest, it also made me think of pregnancy and labour, and all I can say is: I’m glad it’s not me! Or my significant other. I would never want to put a woman through that. I mean, what if something went wrong? Or for that matter, what if the child wasn’t healthy? What if the world continues to slide out of control? What kind of world would I be bringing a child into? What if I resented or neglected the child? What if I got exhausted and just couldn’t handle it?

Yep. I’ve literally thought all those things. Spot the theme?

Well I can’t run from those fears forever. When it comes to pregnancy, the universe has been contracting for me…

After many years of sitting comfortably with my decision, this year I’ve made close friends with a number of women (3 in fact) who’ve challenged me around my decision not to have children. 2 is a coincidence, 3 is… a trend.

One of them was quite adamant and articulate “If your decision comes from love then fair enough. But if it comes from fear, I would challenge it”.

Wow. Contraction.

How many signs do you need?

It must be time to stop resisting and really examine this, not because I “should” but because I must. It’s now a value of mine, I refuse to live and make decisions based in fear any longer. It’s time to face those fears. Clear the irrational ones. See if any hold up to the light of scrutiny. See where the pull of love takes me, towards having children or towards a different lifestyle?

“Say Uncle”. It’s not a super common phrase down here in Australia, but in America it actually means “surrender”.

Ok universe, now’s the time to do the work, I say “Uncle”.

What contractions have you noticed recently? What fears have you been ignoring that might just be a flag pointing to inner gold?

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